No. 9: Carnival

The Carnival was generously hosted by Eugene Gonzales, empresario of Eat My Heart Out, the world’s premiere luxury storytelling and metaphorical dining experience. Beer served by New Normal. Aerial performance by Lyra. Voodoo Space Opera courtesy of interdimensional soprano priestess and company.

Not insignificantly, there was also a clown. Let’s begin with him.


What Is Funny?

A man in a rainbow wig, clown makeup, and clown hat approaches the stage. He is completely nude but for a pair of white briefs, in which he has holstered a bicycle horn. He timidly introduces himself as a conceptual clown. He has brought a series of drawings so he can explain himself.


The clown lives beneath a pile of construction debris and has no belongings. Clowns in general don’t have much. In fact, clowns don’t care about money at all. They have no use for it. They are obsessed–almost tragically–with laughter, an obsession some psychologists refer to as H.A.H.A. (Humor Active Hyperbolic Anxiety).

To drive this point home, the clown inflates a comically large balloon until it explodes. Inside the balloon are crumpled twenty dollar bills, which the clown tears up and sets on fire.


In addition to their need for laughter, many clowns have an unhealthy addiction to sugar. Clinically this is referred to as SOS: Sucrose Obsessed Stimulation. The clown satisfies both compulsions by recruiting a reluctant man to pie him in the face.


Make Your Own Mondrian


A varied palate of spreadable edibles are arranged in a series of silver bowls. Take a pre-folded paper plate: this is your square white canvas. Use spreadables and black bean boundaries to compose a composition.


Food Fit for the King

(Of the Jungle, In Captivity)

Don mane. Face the lion tamers’ whip and chair with ferocity and felinity. Rattle the rafters with a hearty roar, then leap through the flaming hoop. You will be rewarded with lion food.



A string is tied around a peanut shell. The peanut shell is an aerialist. Take the string and dangle the peanut shell in a graceful dance over an open flame, toasting the shell’s innards. Pop open the shell and eat what it holds: peanut butter and one whole mealworm.


Human Egestion
egestion 2

Sit by a row of paper cups. Watch as a video explains the steps of digestion. During the video, a paper cup symbol will periodically appear in the corner of the screen. This is your cue to consume the contents of the next cup, a fluid or solid based on the current step of digestion you’re observing.


The Tallest Cake in the Land
tall cake 1

A cake is seated atop a stack of milk crates. Get on someone shoulders and grab a handful. Don’t fall.


Psychic Pigeon Sees All
Psychic Pigeon 1

New Normal, a local brewery, has recruited the services of a singularly prescient pigeon. Allow him to tell your fortune, then gently coax him into selecting an appropriate imbibement for you.


Funnel Cake
Funnel Cake

Kneel under funnel. Cake is jammed into the funnel, extruding out the other end in a sloppy tube. Consume.


Feel Awful

A table is lined with rows of bowls. Most are full of hummus, but some are full of hot sauce. Toss a falafel, aiming for the bowl of your preference. Hint: you prefer hummus. Trust me.

Reality Oven



Wishing Well

Carnival Carrots


Choose Your Own Adventure


Candy Land Sweetness


Charge of the Chupacabras


Popcorn Explosion


Oh My Mommy!

7 Wonders of Your Future


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