No. 3

IMG_5099 smThis dinner was hosted at Brewlab SF, a Mission residence/homebrewing co-op/DIY brewtech hotbed/party zone. The only constraint imposed was that all dishes had to be, at least in part, edible.

Tonights menu:

 Brain Freeze – Sam Gilbert and Matt Smith
brain freeze
The diner is enveloped in a mummy-style sleeping bag, then enhammocked. Headphones administer cheesy peaceful music with relaxing baritone voiceover while safety goggles blink red over the diner’s closed eyes. Once the diner has had a few minutes to adjust to her condition, their scalp is stimulated by a spindly massager while they are fed spoonfuls of fruit sorbet with hot fudge on top.

Nomad’s Journey – Ilya Lichtenstein and Heather Reyhan
The diner, eyes closed, is guided through a series of motions and massages to awaken her body. A woman touches the diner’s face with soft and sensuous materials–silk scarves, scalp stimulator, a delicate leaf–contrasting with the firm pressure of the massage. The woman feeds the diner a series of bite-sized nourishing treats to sustain the diner on their long journey inward.

Salaryman – Dan
The diner sits in a chair and closes their eyes. A personal assistant immediately shines a bright light in their eyes, saying “WAKE UP WAKE WAKE UP WAKE UP!” The assistant hands them coffee to sip, then turns them to a business associate to shake hands, then feeds them a green olive for lunch, then directs them to spin around in a circle, then feeds them a noodle dipped in red sauce, then hands them a cup of beer to sit them, then says “Okay have a seat, relax, you deserve it. Time for bed, close your eyes.” As soon as their eyes close, the process repeats at a rapid pace ad infinitum until the diner finally quits.

The Adversarial Parable – Sidonie Starr and Jetta Rae Robinson
adversarial parable 2 adversarial parable 1
Two diners, both blindfolded, feed each other messy cookies while arm wrestling.

The Grass Is Always Greener – Blake Barthold
Grass is Always Greener grass is always greener 2
Diners sit on opposite stools. One diner chews bitter herbs while receiving a back massage. The other diner eats a brownie with one hand submerged in a bowl of icy water. Diners observe each other’s reactions to decide whether it is worth switching places.

Human Taffy Apple Struggle – Vic Abrenica
human taffy
Two diners sit opposite each other foot to foot with their legs outstretched. A very long fork is loaded with a bite of apple strudel. The fork is not quite long enough to reach from diner to diner, so the diners have to lean forward and stretch to feed each other apple strudel bites.

 Make a Wish – Brynne Weeks
The diner selects a single grape from the bowl. This grape has the power to grant one wish, but not the diner’s. The diner must find a wisher and receive the wish privately by note or whisper.

Boyle’d Fruit – Ben Jeong
The operator wields a plate of exotic fruits and a canister of nitrous oxide. The diner chooses which to infuse with nitrous: herself, causing psychedelia; the fruit, flash freezing it; or both.

 Calls of the Wild – Julie Crossman
calls of the wild 0
calls of the wild 1calls of the wild 2
Broccoli, cauliflower, cherry tomatoes, and snowpeas are placed and posed dramatically, as in a natural history museum display. The hunter selects a weapon: blow dart, spear, net, or hammer. The hunter chooses which vegetable to stalk, puts out a decoy, hides behind the leaf blind, imitates the characteristic call of the prey, and hunts and slaughters the vegetable. Once slaughtered, the prey is dressed in a tasty feta dill yogurt sauce.

Characteristic calls:
PEA-pea, PEA-pea
To-mae toooooooooe (in a deep voice)

Bad Dating Advice – Tyler
bad date
Ask for advice. A server with vast swaths of dating wisdom will advise you while mixing dates and tahini. Eat at a leisurely pace. Keep talking until there is no trace of sweet date aftertaste.

Criss-Cross Apple Sauce – Kelsey, Ahern, Nia Person
criss cross 1 criss cross 2
The diner ingests a spoonful of spiced applesauce, then turns his back to the server and closes his eyes. The server traces an X on the diner’s back, saying “Criss Cross,” drags fingers in a wavy pattern down the back, saying “Applesauce,” then taps fingers up the back like an ascending spider, saying “Fingers running up your back.” The diner is then fed a nice piece of dark chocolate. The entire ceremony can also be performed in Russian.

Broccoli Sacrifice – Brittany Givochigliani
broccoli sacrifice
This photograph is our sole record of this mysterious and chilling ritual.

Get Low – Michaela Payne
Get Low
The diner dons a burlap poncho and lowers herself to the floor, visualizing her slow and complete change into the form and spirit of a mushroom. Once a mushroom state is fully attained, the diner is given a delicious bite of marinated mushroom. This act of cannibalism complete, the diner selects a new person to become the next mushroom.

Small Wine – Damian Hess
Wine is poured into two 3 mL rubber glasses of wine. Two diners clink glasses and sip.

Salad of Cardinal Directions – Allison Bari
Corn, black beans, parsley, cilantro, red bell pepper, lemon juice, lime juices, and olive oil are combined to make a salad. Four celestial spoons are positioned at the corners of the dish; each of the spoons is a different celestial hue (white yellow orange red). The diner selects a spoon to snack with and takes a single bite. The diner is then blindfolded and handed a red pepper which represents a sacrificial heart. The diner consecrates the heart to the sky in each of the four cardinal directions, then takes a bite out of its center.

Three Seed Seduction – Roy Dong, Melissa Nigra
three seed seduction
The diner is told a plausible lie, then fed three chocolate-covered persimmon seeds while they process the lie. No other diner is told the same lie. Lies follow:

  1. The trick to any exercise is to tighten your core.
  2. One day, you will stop feeling guilty.
  3. A swallowed watermelon seed will blossom into a full watermelon inside your digestive tract.
  4. Mankind only moves forward.
  5. Through art, you can completely transcend your culture.
  6. Eventually you will forget the smell of your ex-lovers.
  7. You can get through life without hurting anyone.
  8. Your interests are what makes you special.
  9. If you could have anything you wanted, you would truly be happy.
  10. Everyone you have ever met remembers you fondly.
  11. You will have enough time to do all the things you want to do.
  12. Everybody loves it when you play “Wonderwall” on the guitar.
  13. In life, you will only encounter supportive and nurturing people.
  14. Everyone respects you and your accomplishments.
  15. Your preferences and tastes will never become outdated.
  16. You will never grow up.
  17. Your guilty pleasure on the radio is actually a pretty good song.
  18. Effort is all it takes to make someone love you.

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